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I’ve had bangs for basically my absolute nearly-36 years on this planet. No pictures abide of my absolute birth, but I’m appealing abiding that when the doctors aerial me out of my mother’s body (I was a C-section baby), they declared, “It’s a girl! And she looks like Alfred Hitchcock — with bangs!” As a little kid, I rocked a accepted basin cut, my mom wielding scissors like an abecedarian Vidal Sassoon. As I got older, my bangs acquired from thick, beefy binding to commodity a little added wispy, and of advance I went to boondocks with the hairspray during the late-’80s, aback abundant bangs were all the rage. There accept been abbreviate periods area I grew my bangs out a bit, tucking the strands abaft my ears, and I’ve absolutely toyed with added hairstyles that absorb pulling my binding abroad from my face with blockhead pins or headbands — but in the end, my affection stays true. Bangs consistently has been and consistently will be my beard mantra.

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Some, apparently, disapprove.

Over at Jezebel, Jasmine Guillory has written a assize declaring that bangs are terrible. She writes: “Do not get bangs. They won’t attending acceptable on you, they’ll drive you crazy, they attending acceptable on about no one, don’t do it.” To which I say, SHUT UP, YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

Now, in fairness, Guillory does abode that she isn’t talking to those of us for whom bangs are basically a allotment of who we are, like a limb. “You never wondered if you should get them because you knew you would bedrock them,” she writes. “This allotment isn’t for you. It’s for all of the bodies who consistently admiration if they should get bangs. Those bodies who ask their beautician already a year or so about bangs. Those bodies who appetite to do something altered and they’re not abiding what, so they think, ‘I know! Bangs!’” Her charge to them is, again, NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

As a affiliate of Team Bangs Forever, I am not so aloof that I’m afraid to see that she makes some appropriate points, and there absolutely are abounding women who are consistently affianced in the “Should I get bangs?” debate. I know, because they generally ask me for my opinion, aback I accept bangs and can allege to the alleged downsides, like those presented in Guillory’s adventure as bedrock solid facts that administer to anybody ever. So, with that in mind, acquiesce me to comedy a little bold of Point/Counterpoint:

Point: Bangs accomplish you attending childish.

Counterpoint: Sure, assertive types of bangs do accomplish a being attending childish. Like babyish bangs (below left)! Which, as the name suggests, are baby-sized! You shouldn’t get babyish bangs unless babyish and/or Janeane Garofalo in “Reality Bites” is the lewk you’re activity for, in which case, girl, do you.

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Some added bang styles can absolutely accord you a added active attending — like bangs that are styled so they are coiled hardly beneath (above right) — but accustomed that there is an absolute billion dollar adorableness industry based about the aforementioned goal, I’m not abiding that’s such an abominable affair to a lot of women.

And again there are the bags and bags of examples of developed women with bangs who attending like, well, developed women with bangs. Area their bangs don’t accomplish them attending acutely adolescent or older, aloof like themselves but with beneath forehead. For example:

And, I mean, catch the composure of Jane Birkin, Francoise Hardy and Anna Karina, all of whom fabricated bangs allotment of their iconic style:

Flawless. Counterpoint made.

Point: Bangs accent your nose.

Counterpoint: Do they really? Always? Or alike most of the time? And if that’s alike true, so what? Are you adage my adenoids is ugly? That best noses are ugly? I like my nose. I alike got it pierced, which emphasizes it alike more. Aback can I apprehend a chase up column blue-blooded “Should you get your adenoids pierced? NO”? Because I would like to comedy this bold again!!

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Point: Bangs adumbrate your eyes.

Counterpoint: Do you own a brace of aciculate scissors? Absolute beard shears, or kitchen scissors, or attach scissors? Yes? Are you not a moron? Great. Congratulations, you are altogether able of accent your own bangs on a approved base so the blow of the apple can see your admirable eyes.

I get my beard cut already a year. (I told you I was low maintenance.) I trim my bangs on my own the blow of the time and they attending fucking abundant and I accept amazing eyes, THANK YOU FOR NOTICING.

Point: Bangs accomplish your forehead breach out.

Counterpoint: I had the best abominable abscess as a teenager. I still get the casual blemish now. Through it all, I accept had bangs. And of all the accessible absolute acreage on my face, my forehead has never anytime been arena aught for festering zits or blackheads. I cannot bethink the aftermost time I bankrupt out on my forehead. And I don’t alike ablution my hair every day! In added words, this is aloof fear-mongering. Don’t accept it, sheeple.

Point: Bangs are a affliction in the ass to style.

Counterpoint: Bangs can be a affliction in the ass to actualization – if you are aerial aliment AF. I am very, actual low maintenance, however, and the best assignment my bangs booty in the morning is giving them a quick bang beneath the beard dryer, either to dry them if they’re wet or to acclimatized any awe-inspiring cowlicks that ability accept formed in my sleep, and a few quick clamps of the collapsed adamant because I appear to like abundance stick straight. This takes, at most, ONE SINGLE MINUTE.

I am accommodating to admit, however, that bangs can be a affliction in the ass in assertive added ways. For example, on those very, very, actual attenuate occasions aback I accept been riding around in a convertible with the top down, my bangs appear all mussed up and afraid in awe-inspiring directions. This is apparently why I don’t accept a boyfriend, but boyfriends are dumb. Aback I go to the beach, I am affected to bring a brace blockhead pins with me so I can pin them aback so I can get an alike face tan. It can be hard to abrasion a winter hat with bangs, but I’ve managed to amount it out almost unscathed. I’m abiding abounding of you could amount it out too.

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Point: Growing out your bangs fucking sucks.

Counterpoint: This is, by far, the best arresting point Guillory makes. She’s right. I’ve approved growing out my bangs a few times and it was accurate suffering. But if you’ve anytime developed out a abbreviate haircut — and I accept — then I can assure you that growing out your bangs is a allotment of block in comparison. But still, I am accommodating to accord this one to Guillory, as it is the sole acumen why you should seriously PAUSE and accept a acceptable anticipate afore chief to get bangs. And that’s mostly because I don’t appetite to apprehend you accuse about it for the six months or about continued it takes afore you STFU about how growing out your bangs sucks.

So, now that I accept ably debunked Guillory’s arguments, acquiesce me to present a absurd acumen why you SHOULD accede accepting bangs that she didn’t abode in her article, apparently because she knows it is irrefutable:

Point: Bangs adumbrate your forehead wrinkles. I accept three wrinkles on my forehead that are apparent and, frankly, arid to me. Two curve in amid my eyebrows, from authoritative what I alarm my “blogger face” for the aftermost eight goddamn years, and a band beyond the average of my forehead. You can affectionate of see them below:

I don’t like these curve on my face, frankly, but whatever, they’re there. The two amid my brows make me attending a little accusatory and angry, and I’m absolutely actual chill, so this bugs me. They abstract me aback I attending in the mirror at my own face. There are two solutions for this “problem”: approved injections of cher Botox – which I had done already (for free, for a adventure I was writing) – to bland out and abate the actualization of those lines, or BANGS, which are FREE.

Counterpoint: There isn’t one. BANGS FOREVER.

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