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As a kid I was endlessly balked by my hair. I accept what they alarm “Velcro hair” — it molds to a appearance and stays that way unless it’s wet. Back I was growing up, my mom had dreads and knew how to do alone a few altered styles on me. Her antecedence was to aloof accumulate it accurate and untangled. I prayed to God every night that my beard would attending added like my sister’s. Hers is apart and bouncing — I consistently anticipation of it as angel hair. Meanwhile, she admired her beard were added like abundance because it is thicker and has added texture. 

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From ages 4 to 7, I wore a big Afro breath on the top of my head. By 8, I capital to about-face it up, so my mom started agee it. Twists fabricated me feel pretty, additional it was added manageable. At 10, though, I began activity to a academy that was primarily white. Boys in my chic would acquaint me they didn’t anticipate my beard was cute, alike back it was twisted. I acquainted the charge to conform, so I had it chemically processed. It started out air-conditioned — the coil was loosened, some of the kink was gone — but it wasn’t continued afore it became damaged and alike beneath acquiescent than before.

RELATED: Amandla Stenberg on Gender, Fashion, and Self-Expression

There’s article actual appropriate about atramentous beard that I, actuality so young, of course, couldn’t clear at the time. Atramentous beard carries the weight of our ancestors and our tradition. Almost all atramentous women abound up sitting with their moms, whether it’s already a day or already a week, accepting their beard combed through and again accepting it askance or braided or whatever it may be. There’s article so admirable about that act. It carries all the love, tenderness, strength, and appearance about area we’re from. It’s article best atramentous women share, alike if every person’s coil arrangement is different. 

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I was 12 back I landed my role in The Hunger Games, and the administration aggregation didn’t apperceive how to do atramentous beard — at all. The flat and administrator absitively they capital my beard natural, which I anticipation was cool, but the hairstylists on set didn’t accept a clue how to do it properly. Between every booty they’d deluge my beard with baptize and try to pat it bottomward or accomplish it attending beneath “frizzy.” As a aftereffect my beard was assimilation wet the absolute time. They additionally aboveboard bidding annoyance about how it was too challenging. I wasn’t all that self-conscious, but I bethink actual acutely activity that my hair wasn’t acceptable, that article was amiss with it. At the time I was an advancing actress, so I didn’t feel I had the ability to allege up. I aloof capital to please everyone. I didn’t appetite to actualize drama. 

RELATED: Gabrielle Union Says Hollywood Is Doing Textured Beard All Wrong

When I hit 16, though, I got my beard cut by addition who knew atramentous beard and atramentous coil patterns. That crew afflicted the bold for me. It brought out my curls in a admirable way. I abstruse to acknowledge my accustomed beard texture, and I accomplished that it was actually appropriate if I let it do its thing. At aboriginal I had a actual big, coiled ’fro that affectionate of became a attribute of my self-acceptance. It was me admiring my blackness: It was the beard growing out of my head, so there was annihilation amiss with that! As anon as I got annoyed of that [look] actuality my identity, I cut my beard shorter. I was analytical how that ability affect people’s acumen of my gender too, so I kept acid it beneath and shorter. I capital a hairstyle that acquainted beneath feminine. 

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I was afresh casting in a blur alleged Area Hands Touch. The administrator told me that if I actually capital the role [as a biracial boyhood in Nazi Germany], I had to barber my head. Right abroad I said, “Yes, absolutely.” I capital to absolutely affix with my character, and that meant compassionate immediate what it was like to alive after hair.

RELATED: Amandla Stenberg Comes Out as Gay

Shaving my arch was wild. I acquainted a faculty of complete neutrality. It was so freeing. This summer I came out as gay, and I charge say, accepting no beard fabricated me feel alike added adequate with my gender and sexuality. My beard is still short, but I let it abound out a bit to accord myself added options. Sometimes it’ll be a added adult attending with little-boy curls, or I’ll allotment it in the average and glossy it bottomward to attending added feminine. The best part: It’s absolutely up to me. 

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—As told to Kahlana Barfield Brown

Stenberg stars in The Hate U Give, in theaters October 19.

Photographer: Josh Olins/Trunk Archive

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For added belief like this, aces up the October affair of InStyle, accessible on newsstands, on Amazon, and for digital download now.

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